The Tour Party
Dibber Bell
Retail guru and speed-meister . In contention many times and frequently successful - if only his golf was up to the same standard. Such persistence translated to the golf course could prove awesome. Talks a good game but prone to exaggeration and deviation (?)
Dealer Dickson
The pinstripe picador. Master of psychology and one-time fish gutter. Admired for his pithy one-liners but don't stand down-wind of him - methane is dangerous in high volumes. The only person in Britain who admits to reading The Sun.
Guinness Graham
Acerbic, down at heel scoundrel. Know to be occasionally self-effacing. Can also talk a good game. Ideally suited to windy conditions due to a low centre of gravity. Don't believe a word he says, unless he's sober. Always drunk.
The Ram Ham
Urbane, man-about-town. Often seen in trendy bars and up-market car showrooms. Has had more business lunches than you've had hot dinners. Prone to short bouts of sobriety. Always the last to leave the party. Knows everybody.
Subsidy Scott
Leading light of the far-flung north. Mixes politics and golf - a heady combination indeed. Doesn't suffer fools gladly - so must be deranged to tour with this lot. Frequently appears in television studios. Not technically minded and spends an unhealthy amount of time with sheep : so his political future is assured. Dangerous when mixed with alcohol.
Suave Stanger
Gravitates to the finer restaurants and company : a well known mover and shaker - but don't stand too close when he shakes it as whiplash can hurt. A culinary maestro (Toed In the Hole is a favourite). Geology is his forte but his preferred rocks are the iced ones in a G&T.
