Mr Stanger
"The only way to travel is in a private Learjet", announced Mr. Stanger recently - so the transport's sorted, as long as he's paying - and did you know that apparently things look very small from the air (or, for fans of Father Ted : "Dougal, this cow is small but that one is faaar away").
The house rebuild is being run by the same company as is overseeing the Scottish Parliament building and after much consultation, the submission of fifteen separate plans, a Public Enquiry, more plans, a press leak and more consultation ...... nothing has happened. But rest assured, if the Parliamentary project is anything to go by, this house will be fantastic - with a fantastic number of rooms, a fantastic design, a fantastic bill and built-in Gaelic translation facilities ?
Rumours abound that as part of the rebuild of Chez Stanger, a private runway is in the offing. Doubling up as a test track for the plethora of company cars, the 4,000 acre site may also include helipad, pool complex, aviary, victorian walled garden, exclusive shopping mall and centre of golfing excellence.
Less space than was originally envisaged will be required for the 'driving' range - as observers spotted last year, nothing bigger than a seven iron was used off the tee - but will be more than made up for by the Trent-Jones designed 18 hole course in the back yard (a backyard is approximately 30 metres, equivalent to one Stangerdrive )
In Paul's absence, the Diggers have voted that there is no point in going abroad - once the 50 metre 'paddling pool' is finished we're all going to move in and stay, occasionally utilising the mini-golf course (or, translated from the American vernacular, Crazy Golf - an apt venue for the Diggers no doubt)
Paul has, by way of product promotion, also agreed to provide beers and assorted aperitifs for the delectation of the masses (us). There seems also to be a wardrobe of gargantuan proportions so as ever, Mr. S will not be short of the appropriate sartorial attire.
Paul will be organising the accommodation this year .. as he didn't quite get a full compliment of rooms last year - not that Mr. Bell was concerned....
